Crystalized Warlock
by Youngsoul
Summary: Merlin is the court sorcerer and things have been good up until now. But when Arthur discovers that Merlin's true state of mind, can he stop the poor young man from doing something that cannot be undone? What sacrifices is Merlin prepared to make in order to protect Camelot from harms way in his current state?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! I wasn't planning on publishing this in a long time, but since I found it again and got interested enough to actually write it again, I decided that I would put it online too.  
This is my first Merlin fic and I really hope you will like it.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin**

* * *

"I don't want to talk about it." Merlin said and continued to fold Arthur's clothes. The older was getting irritated. Something was wrong with Merlin and he refused to talk about it. Arthur had to know what was going on, after all, they had been friends for a very long time.

"Just tell me Merlin. Something is obviously upsetting you and I want to know what it is." Arthur knew right away that he didn't come out like he had wanted it to. It was too-

"Why do you always have to be so commanding?" Yup, too commanding.

"Would it hurt to mind your own business for once?" Merlin continued very angrily. His tone was sharp and he said it so it would hurt. Arthur didn't have time to feel surprised about Merlin's outburst for long since the younger turned away from him and marched towards the door with clenched fists.  
"Merlin-!" Arthur shouted but the warlock already slammed the door shut with clear anger.

Arthur sighed and slumped back to his chair and ran his hand through his hair.

"What the hell...?" He said to himself. Merlin never acted like this. There was definitely something wrong. Arthur wasn't sure how to react and wondered if he should really just mind his own business. Maybe Merlin just wanted to have some time alone? But Arthur knew that it wasn't just that and he intended to find out what it was.

Outside the room, Merlin walked faster and faster away from Arthur's room. He didn't know why but suddenly all his emotions seemed to burst out. He could feel the strange lump in his throat and he knew that if he wouldn't calm down soon he was going to cry. And he definitely didn't want anyone to see that. So Merlin ran to the place where he knew that he could be all alone in. No one ever went there. Well, except for Merlin.

Many people passed the boy on the busy halls of the castle but Merlin didn't even notice them. Some called his name in worry, but none followed. And for that he was glad. He couldn't talk to anyone right now.

Less and less people could be seen in the halls, mostly just guards changing their shifts or standing by a door. Merlin was like a noble in the castle. He could go where ever he wanted and when he wanted, and no one would question it. He was Arthur's most loyal and trusted friend and also the court sorcerer. So no one asked why Merlin was heading to the caves underneath the castle where Kilgarrah had been kept captive.

When Merlin reached the enormous cave he collapsed to his knees and hands and let out a sob that he had been holding since he had exited Arthur's room. He didn't know how long the tears had run down his face but now they dropped to the soil making tiny wet spots. No one would hear his crying in there. No matter how his voice echoed, no one would hear. No one would hear if he wanted to scream his lungs out. That's what Merlin liked about this place. But now, he didn't want to shout. He just wanted to weep silently. He was just so tired. So, so tired of this whole destiny of his. When he finally realized what it truly meant, his strength just seemed to disappear. And the most frustrating thing was that even that was his destiny. Everything he did, it was meant to be. And he truly couldn't escape it. It was so tiring. He had only understood the true meaning of the words everyone had been telling him a little while ago. He was a caged bird. He couldn't escape his destiny. For even if he were to leave, he would always have to come back and that too, was his destiny. It made him sick inside. It made him feel pathetic. He couldn't fight it.

Merlin was so lost in his own thoughts that he couldn't hear footsteps approaching. He was only woken from his thoughts by a voice.

"Merlin...?" Came a careful question. It was Arthur. He had followed him there. His voice seemed concerned and he seemed a bit shaken by seeing Merlin's figure, crying on the ground.

Merlin quickly lifted himself up to his knees and thanked himself for facing the direction away from Arthur. He couldn't let the older see any more of this side of him.

Merlin quickly wiped his tears away and tried to collect himself.

"Merlin seriously...I'm worried about you..." Arthur said and took a few careful steps towards Merlin. The warlock felt ashamed. He had caused Arthur to act like this. He was always trying to cheer Merlin up in some way, but now he seemed almost afraid. He was afraid that he would hurt Merlin.

Merlin wanted to jump up and smile and tell that everything was fine. He wanted Arthur to tease him and tell him that he was a clumsy idiot. He wanted everything to be normal. But Merlin just couldn't do it any more. He had been pretending that everything was all right for too long. He was tired. He felt weak. He knew that he was going to break soon. He needed help. He knew that he needed to tell Arthur now.

"Arthur..." Merlin said without looking at the older. Everything had just stopped around them. No more pretending, Merlin decided.

"I'm tired..." He continued. Arthur didn't move or comment. Merlin didn't want him to. He knew that the young king was quite shocked about the sudden turn of events. Merlin didn't feel like himself, or maybe, he had always been like this deep down.

"...I'm tired of pretending that everything is all right...It's just not." Merlin said and swallowed. His voice was barely a whisper but it was full of hurt.

"This destiny is breaking me...It's suffocating me..." Merlin fell silent after that. Arthur took a few steps closer. There was only a few steps between the two men now.

"What...do you mean? Merlin? What's happening?" He asked with a silent voice, almost a whisper. The voice was so unlike Arthur. His tone was usually strong and confident but this was nothing like it. He sounded scared and uncertain.

Merlin let out a pained sigh and felt his tears running down his cheeks again. But now he couldn't care less.

"Don't you see Arthur...?" Merlin asked. Arthur didn't answer, he just kept quiet.

"We can't escape our destiny." Merlin said and turned to look at Arthur. His face must have looked terrible, covered in tears and eyes red. Arthur looked shocked and scared.

"Merlin..." He breathed. He didn't understand. He was just so worried about his friend. He had no idea what was going on and it scared him. Merlin lifted his tired body up and he looked away from Arthur. The cave was dark. Merlin hadn't brought a torch with him, unlike Arthur. He held it in his hand and the fire flickered. The sound was loud in such silent place. But then, Arthur suddenly let go of the torch and it hit the ground, making a strange echo in the caves. Merlin just looked away from Arthur, unmoving.

Merlin didn't need words to do a simple spell. He had gotten much stronger. Suddenly, there were lights in the cave, coming from the darkness and floating gently upwards. They were small and resembled soap bubbles but these balls of light wouldn't break, both of them knew that. The light from the torch went out and then they were surrounded by a gentle light that resembled the moon's light a bit. Thousands of little balls floated so, so slowly towards the high ceiling. Merlin's gaze followed one ball that was quite close to him and it soon went over his head and he continued to stare at it like it was the only thing that mattered.

Arthur watched as the light illuminated Merlin's face from different angles and he noticed even more, how exhausted the boy looked. But his eyes were the worst. There was nothing there. He looked like he was ready to give up. Arthur knew that he needed to help Merlin. He needed rest. A lot of rest.

Arthur almost jumped when Merlin turned his gaze to Arthur again.

"I hate it Arthur... I hate this destiny..." He said and more tears ran down his face. The lights made the tears look like they would be shining and it made the other seem so distant. Arthur didn't like it. He took a few steps closer and soon their faces were very close. Usually it would feel awkward, but right now Arthur just wanted for Merlin to come back since it felt like the other was far from Arthur's reach. It made him feel scared, even though he hated to admit it. He studied Merlin's face for a while before focusing on his eyes. He looked so pleading. He looked so tired. He looked so...different.

"Arthur..." His voice was just a silent whisper. He was just about to break but it was clear that he needed to say something. And soon he did.

"...I...I can't even die... for this destiny will always bring me back..." His voice broke in the middle of the sentence. The words shocked Arthur so greatly. Only one question ran in his head, like screaming: _'Merlin, where have you gone?'_

Merlin's words were so full of despair that Arthur was certain that he just broke inside himself too. Merlin didn't want to live any longer. That message was conveyed clearly. This made Arthur feel so many different emotions that he couldn't handle himself. Shock. Fear. Sadness and quilt for not seeing this earlier. He felt like Merlin was disappearing, right before him. His best friend. All those days he had been together with the younger. They were so precious to Arthur. All those moments they laughed, cried, just smiled knowing that the other understood everything, the moments they had to run for their lives and the countless of times they had saved each other's lives. But that all was fading, right before him. So he did the only thing he could think of. He threw his arms behind Merlin and pulled him as close as possible. It was a strange hug. It conveyed many feelings. It was rough, not gentle but Arthur wanted to show that he wasn't willing to let go. He wanted for Merlin to see that he wasn't alone, that Arthur would help him now.

"It's going to be okay Merlin. Everything is going to be fine, you hear? So don't ever say anything like that any longer, okay? I won't let you die until you grow old and lie in your bed, happy about your entire life. We'll figure this out okay? Just... don't think about doing anything stupid." Arthur wished that he could talk some sense to the warlock but he knew that right now no words would reach him. Merlin was lost and broken. He needed time to get everything sorted out.

Arthur was truly afraid. He hadn't felt this afraid in a very long time. Even though he was holding Merlin in his arms it felt like he wasn't there. He wanted to be gone. He didn't want to live. What had happened when Arthur hadn't been looking? What did Merlin face alone when Arthur couldn't see him? What had happened that could drive the warlock into such despair that his life had lost its value?

People talked about their destiny. It was daily. Every day someone would talk about what they were supposed to do. Because it was their destiny. But what did Merlin know about the destiny that Arthur didn't?

"I just want to finish it...My destiny..." Merlin whispered and Arthur could feel his own shirt getting wet because of Merlin's tears. The younger seemed so distant. His words hurt Arthur like knives to his chest. Arthur wanted to tell him something to reassure him but he couldn't find any words. So he just tightened his grip ever so slightly. Then, something happened that Arthur didn't expect. The lights soon started to fade, slowly and when Arthur looked around to see what was happening, Merlin soon fell limp in his arms. Arthur collected himself in time to hold Merlin up and slowly he lowered them both on the ground. He knew that Merlin was just very exhausted and passed out because of that, so he continued to hold Merlin for a little while longer.

"You'll be okay. I'll make sure of that." He whispered to the other. Arthur knew that moment that things would be very different after this. He had witnessed something that changed everything.

* * *

Later that evening Arthur sat in a chair beside Merlin's bed, completely in his own thoughts, as Guinevere walks in and rests her hand on her husband's shoulder. Arthur knows right away who it was and does not move an inch. Instead, he just keeps his eyes tightly locked on Merlin's figure.

"Arthur, no one has spoken a word to me. What has happened to Merlin?" The queen asks in a kind, yet demanding tone. She was genuinely worried about one of her best friends, like Arthur.

The king only shook his head ever so slightly.

"I wish I knew... I wish he would have told me earlier. Maybe things wouldn't have gone this way..." Arthur spoke, maybe to himself mostly, with a very soft and wavering voice.

Guinevere gave him a slight shake.

"Arthur, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

He stayed silent for a while, his gaze never shifting from the unconscious figure on the bed, before answering her.

"It's...going to be okay," He lifted his hand to touch hers. "-everything is going to be okay. I promised him that."

And no matter how Guinevere demanded or plead, she never got to hear what truly had happened that evening.

* * *

The following day gave Arthur the most terrible headache he had had in months.

As he walked through the halls, a young girl came from the kitchens and addressed the king.

"My lord, have you eaten your breakfast yet? Merlin did not appear this morning to bring it to you so I thought..." After that the girl seemed to be very interested in her shoes and Arthur could not make sense of the last piece of her sentence.

"Merlin is ill so he won't be performing his serving duties to me for the next few da-" An image of Merlin, weak and crying, flashed inside his mind.

"-for a few weeks at least. Tell someone to fill in for him, would you?" Arthur knew that he wouldn't let Merlin perform his serving duties to Arthur in a long time -or ever again. The boy had seen enough of his serving days as far as Arthur was concerned. And if it would lift his spirits even the slightest, Arthur was more than willing to listen to even George's terrible jokes about brass.

The girl seemed shocked about the news as her eyes went wide as saucers. Arthur was glad that she didn't ask anything else. She bowed and replied hurriedly: "Yes, sire." As she was about to run off, Arthur stopped her.

"And please bring breakfast for Guinevere. She will be waking up soon."  
"What about you, sire?"

Arthur sighed. He had no appetite whatsoever.

"I will be fine."

The news about Merlin being ill spread around like wildfire amongst the servants. There were strange rumours floating about that someone had tried to murder Merlin with poison or a dagger. Arthur wouldn't stop to correct any rumour, he had better things to do than quieting the gossips one by one.

But before he could go to perform his kingly duties with the council, a familiar figure strode towards him with determination.

"Gaius, good morning."Arthur greeted him, but he didn't answer. He looked worried and angry, somehow.

"Have you seen Merlin this morning sire? He was supposed to run errands for me like usual but he hasn't shown up." Arthur was surprised that Merlin still had time to help Arthur _and _Gaius, while he seemed to also have new duties as the court sorcerer. Putting those thoughts aside, he thought for a moment if he should tell Gaius everything so he could check that nothing more was wrong with Merlin. But soon he decided to keep it for himself. There was no need for Gaius to get himself worked up for nothing. Besides, Merlin didn't like unneeded attention and right now Arthur was sure that he wouldn't like to show is weak side to anyone.

"Merlin is feeling a bit under the weather so he won't be performing his duties for a couple of days. I can tell a servant to fill in for him if you'd like-"

"Well I should check on him immediately! It could be something serious-" Gaius interrupted his king without thinking. Arthur laughed inwardly: Gaius only forgot about formalities when it was about Merlin.  
"No, no. He said that he would just need a bit rest." Gaius looked at Arthur reluctantly.

"Gaius, Merlin is almost a physician himself. I'm sure that he knows what he is doing. And I'm sure that he would ask for your help if he needed it." Arthur himself knew that Merlin had done just that last evening, even though it wasn't expressed so.

Gaius then sighed and nodded.

"You are right sire."

From there, Arthur and Gaius continued to the council meeting, which went by quite uneventfully. The only worry during the meeting was the matter of the increased rate of magical beasts in the forests surrounding Camelot. Arthur told the patrols to be more careful than usual and told them to move in bigger groups in case of an attack.

The headache came after that.

Arthur had to meet a few people after the council meeting in the lower town. But as he ran down the main stairs leading to the castle, he saw around ten children waiting outside and staring straight towards the castle, like they were waiting for someone.

Arthur somehow knew that it would become bothersome if he asked them what they were doing, but as a king he couldn't ignore them. So he walked to them and knelt down.

"Are you waiting for someone?" He asked in a soft tone, seeing as some of the children had noticed who was talking to them. Arthur felt amused as they whispered to each other excited: "It's King Arthur!"  
The boy who stood before the group took a step forward.

"We're waiting for our teacher. He was supposed to come already, so we came to see where he is. But we can't go inside the castle." Arthur nodded understandingly.

"Can you tell your teacher's name?" Arthur asked.

"Merlin." The boy said.

Arthur was surprised first, then he felt like it was obvious.

These children had magic. Merlin had been teaching them how to use it properly every day. Arthur knew that he did teach children and older people, but had never really ran across these sorcerers.

"I'm sorry, your teacher won't be coming to teach you for a while." Arthur said without really thinking. Shock was written all over their faces. And in a blink of an eye, the first child started crying.

"Why not?!" The boy demanded angrily. Arthur regretted his words and tried to think of an explanation that would satisfy the children.

"Well, uh, you see..." Arthur sighed. He wasn't really good with children. He felt his headache forming. More cries could be heard. He had to think of something, quickly. The people around the courtyard were starting to stare.

"Merlin, as you know, is a very powerful sorcerer." Arthur said in a mighty manner, as in telling a story. The children were listening, thankfully.

"He is also a very close friend of mine, as you might know." Some of the children's eyes lit up.

"He's a friend to King Arthur?!" One of them exclaimed.

So Merlin hadn't told them anything about Arthur then.

"Yes, and Merlin is also a very brave warrior! I trust him with my life every day." Arthur continued and the children listened to his story, completely forgetting about their sadness.

"So the very brave Merlin has gone to a _very _special mission I prepared for him." The children's mouths were open in big 'o's.  
"So when will he come back?" The boy in the front asked.

"He won't be long, I promise you that. And when he comes back he will be much stronger than before." Arthur told them. He only wished that it were true but somehow in his heart he knew that Merlin needed more than 'a little while' to heal his heart and mind.

"That's amazing!" The children exclaimed.

"Thank you, King Arthur!" One of the children shouted and they all ran off.

Arthur sighed and gave a smile. He had no idea that Merlin had so many people around who cared for him.

Unfortunately, Arthur's headache would just keep growing.

He had just come back from the lower town and was feeling quite tired when he heard a voice behind him asking:

"Sire! I'm very sorry, but would you happen to know where Merlin might be? He was supposed to teach us today..."

* * *

That evening he sat beside Merlin's bed again, like the evening before.

He had lit the candles in the room by himself, which he usually left for servants to do. Even Guinevere had decided to leave Arthur alone with Merlin, understanding that there was something going on that needed to stay between the two men.

The boy was still unconscious but wasn't looking ill. Just relaxed, yet tired.

Arthur felt like it was too silent, so he began to chat with the boy.

"I.. went to the lower town today." He began. His voice echoed in the former quest chamber, which he had given Merlin since his own chambers were too small for him. He had to invite quests and keep a lot of books and magical objects in his room, and his former room in the back of Gaius's chambers just hadn't really been appropriate for such, not that Merlin would have minded.

"I... really didn't know you knew so many people. And...how busy your days are."

It felt silly to talk to someone unconscious, but it also helped Arthur to cope without his friend.

"The people in the castle kept asking where you are. There are even some rumours going around that someone tried to poison you. It's really funny, right?" Arthur kept smiling when he spoke even though he felt so lonely inside.

"Even the people in the town came to ask me where you are. You have a lot of students. It's a bit funny to think that you're a teacher... since you're an idiot." Arthur felt like the times that they could insult each other were a far thing in the past. He felt like Merlin was slipping away from him and he couldn't do anything. What would Arthur do if Merlin stopped trusting him? Feeling a deep need of wanting to help his friend, to be there for him, he rested his hand on Merlin's.

"Even the children came outside of the castle to wait for you. They were really worried about you. You won't believe how surprised they were when I told them that you were my very close friend." Arthur swallowed. A lump was forming in his throat. "I told them that since you're a brave warrior, I sent you to a special mission." Arthur suddenly felt tears gathering in his eyes. He tried to blink them away and he kept smiling.

"I said.." He continued with a wavering voice. "that you would come back soon, and that you would be even stronger than before."

He paused a took deep breaths to calm himself down.

"It's true Merlin, you will come back soon. My special mission for you is for you to rest and heal yourself. And when you come back from this mission, you will be so much stronger, okay?" He gave Merlin's hand a squeeze.

Then, without any warning, the alarm bells started ringing. Arthur shot up from his seat and rested Merlin's hand back on the bed.

"I'll be back soon." Arthur said and ran to extinguish the candles before exiting the pitch-black room.

Unfortunately, Arthur couldn't return to Merlin's side that evening.

The very unlikely and terrible thing had happened. The magical creatures in the forests had all decided to attack Camelot that night.

The guards hadn't stood a chance against the blood-lusty creatures. The knights gathered in the courtyard briefly before running towards lower town to save and protect what they could. For many, it would be their last fight.

Arthur had ran into the fight without a second thought, like a real knight would. When he had gotten into the lower town, he had to stop. The street he had just walked down today was filled with bodies and blood. Some houses had collapsed and there were fires spreading all around.

He knew that the situation was serious and there were a few solutions in his mind but he dismissed them immediately. Merlin couldn't help them. They couldn't abandon the people in lower town by sealing the gates.

His knights were shouting and battling against the creatures in the darkness, the only light being the raging fires.

There was smoke and blood everywhere.

Truly, a battlefield. But the king didn't think nothing more before he ran to defeat the ugly creatures with his sword, the Excalibur.

* * *

After a few hours Arthur thought he would become deaf. The shouts and cries were so loud, not to mention the occasional roars of the beasts.

The battle was starting to tire him, seeing bodies of his knights, his brothers on the ground unmoving, and all his people living in the lower town slaughtered. He got occasional peaks of strength mixed with anger as he would see someone who he knew well, dead. Hours went by, his sweat kept falling, his sword kept swinging, the creatures kept killing. But they didn't get past the white walls of the castle. Arthur was so proud of every single knight that night. They protected their home and families with everything they got. They truly had shoved their spirit as knights of Camelot once again.

The entire night they fought. Many fell, as did many beasts.

But as the light of the day appeared in the horizon, the creatures turned their tail and ran from the town like they never had had any business there.

Arthur was relieved and exhausted. He wished he could collapse onto his knees but as a king he still had many things he needed to do.

The knights who were still able to help gathered around Arthur. Finally he could sheathe his bloody sword.

"Check for survivors! Put the fires out!" Arthur shouted orders. They were all tired. But like true knights they gladly still helped.

Arthur had received gash to his side and bruises over his body. They weren't too serious, but the bleeding still needed to be stopped.

"Sire." Someone addressed him from behind. Arthur turned to see Leon, dirty and tired, but alive.

"Leon. I'm glad to see you are alive." Leon nodded in appreciation.

"Sire, you should get treated. I will handle things from here." Arthur was about to argue back but when he saw Gwaine coming towards him behind Leon, looking as bad as the other, he knew that they wouldn't give him a choice.

Arthur then gave a nod.

"I'll come back soon as I can." He assured and walked past the two, giving them a tap on their shoulders.

* * *

Arthur hadn't really even noticed that he had gotten carried quite far from the main gates during the battle. He walked quite a while before he came to a stop.

He saw something that made him break inside once again.

It was Merlin.

The white walls made him look even paler than in the candlelight and the dark circles under his eyes were visible even from far away. His figure looked weak and he was slightly hunched. He looked so very, very broken to Arthur.

The king couldn't move. Merlin still hadn't noticed him. He just kept walking forward, looking left and right at the bodies and blood, looking completely and utterly defeated. Then he stopped and Arthur could hear a sob breaking from him. He was looking to his right before he ran a few steps toward whatever he was looking at before crouching and lifting something, or rather someone, up to his arms. He wailed and his figure was shaking.

Arthur gulped and slowly approached him.

Merlin didn't move to see who had appeared beside him, he just kept crying and rocking forth and back.

Arthur couldn't see the face of the figure Merlin was holding, but he saw that it was a child. Then the realization hit him.

_Oh god..._

It was one of the children he had seen the day before. One of those children who Merlin had been teaching magic to. One of those children who had been so very exited about the story Arthur had told them.

And now... that once lively figure laid completely still and pale and so very very cold...

"They didn't deserve this..." Merlin sobbed. He had already realized that Arthur was standing behind him.

Arthur's eyes were starting to water again. Why did Merlin have to go through all of this?

"Why... why am I not able to protect anyone?" Merlin whispered with an angry tone. Arthur's fear had come true. Merlin was blaming himself.

"Merlin...This is not your fault." Arthur said and put a hand on Merlin's shoulder.

Merlin then turned his head around with speed that Arthur didn't know the warlock was capable of in his condition.

But more than of his speed, he was shocked of what he saw in his eyes.

They well full of anger. Not towards Arthur, but himself. The king was so shocked that he couldn't move or speak. Merlin's tears had left his eyes raw but they had such power in them that Arthur felt himself drowning in the strong feeling they were telling.

The boy then turned away from Arthur and laid the child on the ground again and closed his lifeless eyes. He stayed silent for a while, just staring at the body.

Arthur couldn't say anything. He hated himself for being so powerless. Merlin was drifting even further and Arthur couldn't stop it. He wished he could just say the things his heart kept saying: _"It will be alright Merlin, you just need to rest. Things will get better, I promise. I will keep you safe. I will help you."_

But Arthur knew that none of those words would reach Merlin. Something inside of him had changed.

Merlin then stood up, his figure telling only of his determination. Arthur felt genuinely scared. Merlin was always doing reckless things to protect others and this was surely going to be one of those moments again.

"Don't..." It only came out as a gasp. Arthur's voice was betraying him again. _'Don't leave Merlin. I know what you're thinking.'_ He had wanted to say. But before he had a chance to try again, Merlin said one sentence before turning to run away from the city.

Arthur was left frozen in the same spot.

"_I'll fix this. I'll figure something out."_ He had said before running to the woods.

Oh, how Arthur wanted to run after him. But he knew that it wouldn't make a difference. Whatever Merlin was planning, he couldn't stop it. He could only hope that the fool would try to keep himself safe.

* * *

**Thanks for reading the first chapter of my Merlin fic. There will be two more long chapters and they will be updated this week as the story is finished and I only need to check the chapters.  
I hope you liked this and it would be nice if you could leave a review, especially if you noticed any errors!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the feedback! I had time, so I put this up quicker than I thought. Enjoy.**

* * *

Since when had it started raining? Merlin didn't know. He just ran.

Even the words: feeling like dying inside weren't enough to describe the feeling Merlin had right now.

Everything was so wrong. He had once accepted this 'destiny' he had but now he hated it more than anything. Why couldn't he choose his own destiny?

He just wanted to be in peace, even for a few days. But in Camelot it wasn't possible. Saving Arthur from countless dangers was becoming a very heavy burden. It wasn't that he was resentful towards Arthur, it was the opposite. He really liked to be beside the man. Seeing him grow from an arrogant prince to a man who was more fitted to be a king than anyone else had been a great honour to Merlin. But... It just felt like he could never really stop to marvel how far they had come. There wasn't that silent peace that Merlin had always been heading towards.

No, there was always war.

It made Merlin wonder, were things not supposed to go this way? Maybe something had gone wrong?  
But then again...everything was written down. It was all destiny.

Merlin stopped running when the realization hit him hard again.

This too, these steps he took, these tears he shed, were a part of his destiny.

Something inside of him snapped and he let out a very loud shout. He continued to shout until his lungs and throat hurt and his voice went hoarse.

Thankfully no one could hear him since he had already reached the forest. Merlin didn't wish for anyone to see him. He didn't feel like talking to anyone. He just... no, he wasn't even sure what he wanted.

"Dra..." Merlin started but had to cough since his throat hurt.

"Ω δρακον, έάω μαλερός σοφόνους φθέγγομαι τείδε άναδικέω!" He calls Kilgarrah with a broken voice. Then he collapses to his knees, a sob escaping him. He buries his head in his hands and even when he hears the great dragon approach, he doesn't move.

The dragon looks at Merlin in wonder and silence for a while before asking:

"What is the matter, young warlock?" But Merlin is unable to speak. He isn't sure how, but he opens his mind to Kilgarrah, and shows all his emotions to him without saying anything.

The dragon stays quiet, but soon takes a few steps towards Merlin before laying down right before him. Merlin hears the dragon take a deep breath before exhaling. The warm air coming out of his nostrils makes Merlin suddenly feel slightly warmer in the cold rain. He shivers at the feeling and lets his hands fall down to rest on the dragon's scaly nose. There is silence between the two, but no words are needed to convey the feelings. Well, at least Merlin's feelings.

"Young warlock, you have suffered a lot." The dragon says in deep voice. Merlin doesn't move or react to the dragon's words.

They both listen to the rain for a while.

"I...couldn't protect those people..." Merlin whispers.

Kilgarrah doesn't say anything. Even he understands that right now the young warlock didn't want to hear a word about his destiny or how things were meant to be.

"I am tired, Kilgarrah. So tired... Yet I know that I need to keep Arthur safe. I know that I need to keep Camelot safe..."

Kilgarrah was quite astonished. No matter how tired Merlin was because of his destiny, he still knew what was supposed to be done. He knew that he couldn't leave Arthur unprotected even if he was tired of living and wanted it all to end.

"Is there any way I could protect those people...? I don't want them to suffer because of my and Arthur's destinies. I'm sure that Arthur thinks so too. I just want to protect them all. I want to protect Arthur and everyone living in Camelot."

"Young warlock..." Kilgarrah knew where this was heading.

"Please, tell me. Is there any way to do that and... for me to finish my story?" The dragon closed his eyes. It was after all, too heavy burden for one man to carry.

"There is a way but I never wished that I would have to tell you about it..."

* * *

Arthur sighed heavily. He was sitting in his chambers and was about to change his clothes. He had not seen Merlin for the entire day and he was beginning to worry. Had the younger gone to do something very reckless?

The worst case scenario suddenly plopped in Arthur's head. What if Merlin was...

He shook the thought away. Their destiny would bind them together. Merlin, like he said, couldn't die because of his destiny to protect Arthur. It hurt to know that the destiny was keeping Merlin shackled to this world even though he no longer wished to be a part of it.  
Poor Merlin. Arthur just wished that he could help him and bring back the days when everything was still quite fine. He wished that he could make Merlin forget about his destiny for even just a while. Even he himself wished that he could forget about the destiny now that he knew what pressure it put on his friend.

He knew of his own destiny but somehow he had always just pushed away the thought and lived according to his own beliefs and wishes. Doing that had brought him to this point, which he honestly felt was good for his kingdom.

Still, was the destiny of bringing him to this point far more heavy? Merlin had to be the one pushing Arthur's back all the time while he himself was left slipping and sliding into a dark place.

The fear of losing his best friend and advisor into a place where he couldn't reach coursed through his veins again and made his heart beat faster. What had he been thinking, leaving Merlin to run off alone? He needed to find the idiot. With that in mind, he got up from his seat and almost ran towards the door. However, before he could reach it, the door suddenly opened.

Arthur stopped and waited until the person walked inside.

"...Merlin." Arthur's voice sounded heavier than he intended, but the tone was caused by the look on the younger one's face. Something had changed.

The tiredness was there, just like the sadness and frustration. He was still pale and the terror for what he had witnessed that morning lingered on his features. Still, he had changed. His eyes carried a stronger look than before, but not in a good way. What were those eyes again?

"Arthur," Merlin started with a stronger voice than before, "I...There is somewhere I need to go." Oh yes. Those eyes told about recklessness, about Merlin's way of wanting to help. About a way that would only bring harm to himself.

"No Merlin, You don't need to go _anywhere._ You can't. There is a lot of things I need your help with." Arthur was just stalling time, he knew it himself. The idiot was too stubborn, he never did what he was told. Arthur turned around, as if to see what was happening in the courtyard, because he wanted to hide his expression that would betray his words.

"...You know I need someone by my side when there is a crisis like this, Merlin." Those words were honest and slightly desperate. There was a long silence, and he could almost hear what Merlin was thinking. _'You have Gwen and all your loyal knights...' _Thinking about those words made him want to snap back at him: _'None of them are you, my friend.' _But as none of those words were uttered, the room stayed silent.

Merlin walked next to Arthur and stared out of the window without giving Arthur a glance. Another long silence was shared as Arthur's thoughts told what he wanted to say. _'Don't go Merlin. Don't go.'_

"You have a good kingdom." Merlin suddenly spoke, startling Arthur a bit. He looked at Merlin and saw all the honesty in his eyes even though their eyes didn't meet.

"I've seen the people in Camelot. They trust you Arthur. Every one of them is ready to fight in your name if it would come down to it. I don't think anyone else is able to rule this land like you do. With love and loyalty to your people." Merlin's eyes were serious before he closed them and let out a sigh, relaxing at the same. Arthur found himself unable to say anything.

"I also love this land. It's my home. And I would do anything to protect it." Arthur had already opened his mouth to protest against Merlin's words, but as the other turned his head to meet his gaze, he was once again unable to say a single word.

"I have sworn my loyalty to you, Arthur, and I have protected you all this time." For a moment Arthur thought that Merlin was asking to leave his life in Camelot behind, which honestly scared him more than anything else but when Merlin's eyes turned kind and more relaxed again, he knew it wasn't the case.

"And... I will always-" Before Merlin could finish there was an urgent knock on the door accompanied by the voice of Leon. "Sire, there are urgent news!"  
Arthur turned to Merlin and just with his eyes, asked if it was okay to halt the conversation. Merlin gave an honest smile, but it was more sad that Arthur could almost bare. He watched his friend for a few more moments before he called the knight inside.

Leon gave a bow when he saw his king and walked closer to him. During this time Merlin disappeared into the background. The conversation had lasted for some time before Arthur found a chance to glance at Merlin again as he heard the door open. He saw Merlin giving a smile, but his eyes were shiny with tears. Merlin mouthed something reassuringly before disappearing into the hall. What had he said?

Leon's words brought him back for a moment. In the back of his mind he was still thinking about what Merlin had mouthed.

Then, after a few moments, he realized. _'I will protect you.'_

His breath caught in his throat and his blood ran cold at that moment.

"Merlin..!" Arthur breathed before he touched Leon's shoulder and pushed him away slightly as he ran towards his door. He didn't know if the knight would follow him, nor did he even care. He needed to find Merlin right that moment.

The hallways were filled with servants as Arthur ran towards Merlin's room. He was glad that he had gotten his armour removed so he could move with ease through the mass of people.

Unfortunately, when he busted into Merlin's room, it was empty.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted in frustration as he turned on his heels and ran to his next destination. Gaius' chambers.

The same emptiness greeted him once again there and even after checking the back room, there was no one to be found.

"Come on Merlin, where are you?!" Arthur said to himself and paced for a bit. Where could he have gone to? The forest? If so, he would take a horse.

"Sire!" A shout came from the door and Arthur turned around to see his most loyal knights, Leon, Gwaine, Elyan and Percival. "What is the matter?" Leon asked with clear worry in his voice.

"Merlin is gone. We need to find him right now. He's about to do something stupid again." All the knights seemed to grow more serious in the same instant. They all knew how Merlin was. He loved the people around him and the kingdom he lived in more than anyone and his reckless nature forced him to protect those things no matter the cost. This time was not different, but the way Arthur acted told that their friend was in danger.

"I'll check the horses right away." Elyan said and ran off. Arthur didn't mind that he hadn't listened to his instructions as this time their rank was the same. They were all Merlin's friends and nothing more right now.

"Leon, please ask around if anyone has seen Merlin. Gwaine, you do the same. Split up and find him. Please." Arthur added without thinking. The two nodded in determination and ran off.

Arthur thought about where he would head next. He could think of only one place that moment and so he ran.

* * *

Arthur almost tripped when he navigated through the old part of the castle leading to the underground caves. He had been smart enough to bring a torch with him but when he began to see faint glow ahead of him he dropped it and ran with more speed than before.

Like he had hoped, he found Merlin.

The bubbles of light floated in the air again, bringing a magical glow all around them. He saw Merlin standing before him with his back towards him while holding a white staff which Arthur had never seen before. Merlin was muttering something in a soft voice, which Arthur guessed to be an incantation.

"You really shouldn't have come here." Merlin stopped his incantation with a sigh and turned around.

"Merlin, whatever you are thinking, don't do it." Arthur felt his heart beating fast in his chest as he saw Merlin's eyes. He wasn't going to listen.

"Arthur. I'm sorry. This.. is my destiny." He said and smiled. He took a deep breath and lifted his staff off the ground and that moment Arthur somehow knew what was going to happen. He kicked the ground and ran towards his friend while shouting: "NO!" Even though he knew it was too late.

Merlin muttered: "αιωνίως" before there was a strong, white light around him. Arthur was trying his hardest to run towards the warlock, but Merlin's magic was forcing him away.

Soon, there was a sharp crack towards Merlin's feet and Arthur saw some kind of glass or crystal forming strongly against his legs, growing towards his upper body with haste.

"I'll protect you all. Always." The sad smile was on his face once again and Arthur knew just what those words were. They were his goodbye.

"Merlin, please! MERLIN! NO!" But his friend was unable to hear his words as the crystal reached his face and blocked his ears.

The spell that had kept Arthur away suddenly let go and the young king found himself running towards his friend again. Just when he was about to reach the crystal, a strong magical force ran over him, surprising him at first before there was another wave that Arthur had no way to block himself from. He was thrown away from Merlin harshly before he collided with the wall, knocking him unconscious. The last thing he saw was his best friend who he hadn't been able to save.

* * *

"-re! Sire!" Arthur woke up with a start to his knight's voice. He saw Leon watching him with worry as he was apparently laying down.

"MERLIN!" With Gwaine's distressed voice, he quickly pieced together what had happened that had caused him such a headache and he lifted himself up from the ground with speed that made his head spin.

"Merlin... Where-!?" Before he had time to finish his question, he saw exactly where his friend was, and it broke him down. So it had all been true.

"No.. NO!" Arthur shouted and scrambled closer. There he was, covered in the crystal that had grown even stronger than the last time he saw it, looking as if he was just sleeping.

Gwaine had drawn his sword and he swung it against the crystal. Unfortunately, it didn't even make a scratch on the surface, but that didn't stop the knight from trying. Over and over again, Gwaine kept hitting the cool, glassy surface, all the while shouting in anger. He only stopped when his sword broke cleanly in half and he could only fall to his knees.

Arthur could hear him crying and hitting the ground in anger but he was too focused on his own thoughts to think about anything else.

He had betrayed Merlin. He should have saved him. Now... Merlin was gone. He had sacrificed himself and for what?

For what...?

That thought brought him back to the reality and he looked back at Leon.

"Leon! Has something changed? Did...did Merlin do something?" Leon looked grim before nodding.

"Yes, sire. A barrier has appeared around the city of Camelot. I don't know the details but it seems like we are able to pass through."

"A barrier...?" Arthur couldn't understand it. If they could pass through the barrier without problems, what was the meaning of it? What was Merlin protecting them from? But just when he thought of the question, he already knew the answer. The beasts!

"Merlin... You're such an idiot.." Arthur muttered as he fell to his knees and allowed himself to shed tears for the loss of his friend.

* * *

Even though it was painful, time passed.

During that time, Arthur learned many things about the spell Merlin had performed. The most relieving thing to hear was the fact that Merlin wasn't dead. The fact didn't bring him hope for long as Gaius told him that it would be impossible to undo the spell and even if somehow he managed to do it, Merlin was never going to be awake again.

After days of anger and frustration, Arthur arrived to a conclusion. He would respect Merlin's last wish of wanting to protect Camelot and so he would not try to meaninglessly break the spell.

The barrier Merlin had created was strong. The magical beasts had not been able to pass through it, no matter what they tried. Eventually, they quit trying and returned to the forest, never to be seen near the city again.  
The barrier still allowed the people to pass through normally even though it had scared many of them. The barrier was high and wide and it protected even the lower city from all harm. When it had first appeared, various colours had swam on it's surface but after a week it became almost completely transparent. It now resembled a glass bowl and the people started growing used to it.

After a few weeks, something strange happened. Arthur heard about someone who hadn't been able to pass through the barrier when trying to get into the city. This made Arthur curious and so he decided to find out who this person was. After a few days of searching, his knights had found the man, but had been attacked by him with magic. Fortunately, they returned with only a few bruises and cuts, but Arthur then knew the true extent of Merlin's magic. Not only did the barrier protect them from magical creatures, it also protected them from sorcerers whose magic was evil, as the sorcerers who lived in the city had been able to pass through with ease.

Was Merlin actually conscious through his magic? Was he watching everything that happened under and around the barrier, deciding who could pass and who could not? Somehow, it seemed just like what Merlin would do.

Even though Arthur was protected by his friend daily, even to the point where he was sometimes unable to pass through the barrier, he missed him enough to make him feel like an important piece was missing from his heart.

Gwen had also been very upset when she heard the news, but had come in terms with it much quicker than Arthur. She knew how Merlin had been and she didn't wish to tamper over his wishes. She had went to visit Merlin several times and every time she told him how thankful she was for what he did. Still, she could never stop herself from saying how she still wished he would never have done it. And as for Arthur, he could never say anything else to him.

* * *

Days passed. Those days turned to weeks, then months. Arthur kept counting every single one of them.

After six months and ten days, Arthur was visiting Merlin again, like he did every day. He had prohibited entry from anyone besides Merlin's friends and insisted on keeping the cave as it was. The only thing he allowed to do was creating holders for the torches. When Gwen had wanted to bring flowers for Merlin, Arthur found himself getting angry. He had snapped at her and told that as Merlin wasn't dead, the cave wasn't going to be treated as a tomb for him. Of course Gwen knew this, she just wanted to do something for her friend. Arthur did apologize to her, but no flowers were allowed in the cave.

Even though Arthur visited Merlin daily, and his anger towards him had lessened, he never once thanked Merlin. He didn't wish to thank him for sacrificing himself as it had just been plain stupid.

It took him those six months to finally utter those words.  
"Merlin... There was a magical beast outside the walls today. If you wouldn't have protected us, many would have died. I...I thought I would never say this, but...Thank you."

Those words made him remember once again about how things had been, and how they would never be the same again.

Day after day, the pain would lessen slightly, but Arthur never stopped wishing that it wouldn't be so.

Still, Merlin remained unmoving and unchanging.

One day he remembered Merlin's words: _"Destiny will always bring us together."_

Maybe one day they could talk again? Arthur truly wished so. He needed Merlin by his side, not as a protector, but as a friend.

* * *

**I took the part where Merlin calls the dragon from Merlin wikia, and the other part, where Merlin finishes his protection spell, I just used a translator. The word means: 'Forever', but if anyone is able to read Greek, please tell me if it is wrong.  
Here you have the second chapter. The next one will be final and I will have it up by tomorrow, I think.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here it is, the last chapter.  
I am so tired right now and since I checked this chapter in a hurry and in this state, there are possibly some mistakes.  
Thanks for reading.**

* * *

**Years later...**

* * *

"Hello Merlin. It's.. been a while." Arthur started. He felt a bit guilty for leaving his friend behind for such a long time, but it couldn't be helped as Arthur needed to take care of many things outside the walls of Camelot.

Arthur sat down with a sigh, but it wasn't a heavy one. It was full of relief to be back home yet there was a certain tint of sadness in it.

"I'm sure you remember what I told you about King Lot or Essetir, right? It was an unfortunate accident that he lost his life in but due to his passing we have finally started to make peace with Essetir. His oldest son has very different views than his father and I am sure that he will become a fine king." It was strange to talk to someone who would not be able to answer to anything but this had been Arthur's comfort for years.

"It seems like he has troubles with the bandits in the area as they are gathering more troops by kidnapping people from villages and turning them into fighters. They seem to be planning on a war. I promised young Rience that I would assist him with manpower and strategist support." Arthur fell silent after those words. He felt the coldness of the rocks beneath him even though there was no snow in the caves.

"Hey Merlin... It's really nice outside. Even though it's cold, the snow has piled up very beautifully. Guinevere loves it." His tone had become very silent.

"I hope you aren't feeling too cold down here."

After these three and a half years without his friend by his side, Arthur had forgotten how things had used to be. Though, that wasn't really true. He did remember, even though he had tried his hardest to forget. Remembering Merlin's smiles and humorous remarks just pained him more since he knew that things would never turn back the way they were.

"Oh, Merlin..." Arthur sighed sadly.  
"I have no idea if you can hear anything I tell you, but only this once I wish that you wouldn't. Still, I feel that it is my duty to deliver these news." Arthur felt his heart squeezing painfully.

"Three nights ago...Gaius...He..." Arthur knew exactly how much Merlin loved Gaius. He had become more than a mentor to the boy. Yes, he had been like a father to him. But Gaius was old and losing Merlin had not been easy for him. "Gaius passed away." Arthur finished. He had just heard this himself that afternoon after returning. It pained him too, as Gaius had not only been a physician but also an advisor and a friend. He had taken care of Arthur since he had been a child and now he was gone. Still, he knew that Merlin's connection with him was far more deep.

"I'm sorry, Merlin. I truly am. I know he was important to you." Arthur didn't speak for some time after that, as if waiting for Merlin to react. But like usual, nothing happened.

"His illness just got worse and he was too old to hold on. Marcus, the new court physician I told you about, was by his side the entire time and it seems like his passing was peaceful." Arthur wished he could comfort Merlin somehow and perhaps even hug him to show he wasn't alone but he wasn't able to do any of that.

Arthur got up and walked to the crystal and he rested his hand upon it. Sometimes when doing that, he felt like he could feel something. This time, he felt it too. It was something he didn't understand, but there was definitely a strange feeling running through him. During these moments he really felt like Merlin could hear him and understand the words he was saying.

A sudden cracking sound caught Arthur's attention and he tried to find the source of the noise. It almost seemed like it had come from the crystal, but Arthur found nothing out of the ordinary and so he forgot about it.

Feeling like the air was too heavy, Arthur decided to change the subject.

"Before I left two weeks ago, I heard a song while patrolling the city. I kept hearing it over and over again, from lower town to all the way to the citadel. Even the maids were humming the tune. During our journey the knights taught me the song." Arthur paused and he looked at Merlin's unconscious face.

"Everyone knew it besides me. Merlin, the song is about you." Arthur sounded sad, yet proud.

"I'm not going to sing to you. I don't sing, you know that, you idiot." Arthur found himself smiling as he partly still waited Merlin to answer him.

"But.. since I know you are curious, I will tell you the words." He thought about it for a while before he started.

"_See the walls of Camelot,  
__so white and high, so mighty,  
__no evil shall defile them,  
__nor ever bring them down._

_No place in Albion so dark,  
__where this tale is yet unheard,  
__magic holds us in its arms,  
__like mother's warm embrace._

_Hear his name, our saviour,  
__bless him for his sacrifice,  
__Merlin, he has brought us peace,  
__saved our King and Queen."_

Somewhere along the lines, Arthur noticed that he had started to sing very silently. He felt a bit embarrassed, but the feeling passed quickly as he realized that Merlin wouldn't tease him about it.

Still, Arthur liked the song. He liked the fact that so many were singing it even more. He really wished that Merlin had heard his words so he would know that the people in the city knew what he had done and appreciated his actions.

"I'm going to go now but I'll be back tomorrow. Good night, Merlin." Arthur said before he gave a small nod and left.

* * *

As days passed, Arthur started to notice a change in the air. He couldn't quite tell what it was, it was just a strange feeling that wouldn't go away. It got stronger by the day and the knights seemed to notice it too. Something was off and Arthur had a good guess what it was about. Something was different with Merlin.

Whenever he went down to see Merlin he felt the feeling getting stronger and when he touched the crystal one day, a feeling of pain and grief passed him. Merlin was mourning Gaius' death. It had to be so.

After realizing this, Arthur visited Merlin at least once a day and told him that everything would be all right. He knew that it wasn't much, but he wanted for his friend to feel better.

Unfortunately, Arthur had to leave soon again. Young Rience wished to talk about the conditions on their upcoming peace treaty and it was clear that he needed quick assistance.

He was visiting Merlin before leaving, wanting to check his condition. However, he saw something he didn't wish to see.

Something had definitely changed. The crystal had become filled with cracks, and Merlin's expression had turned pained.

"M-Merlin! What's going on?!" Arthur ran to Merlin's side right away. He inspected the cracks before he touched one long line, only to be surprised in an unpleasant way. A terrible feeling ran over him. It was full of pain and Arthur couldn't help it when a loud gasp escaped him and he flinched away. He looked over at Merlin for a while in shock. Was this what Merlin was feeling?

"Merlin...!" Arthur could only say. Was there anything he could do?

Arthur didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay and make sure Merlin wasn't going to just disappear or anything. He didn't quite know what the crystal cracking meant, but he knew that Merlin was in pain, so it probably wasn't anything good.

What would happen if the crystal broke? What would happen to Merlin?

Arthur didn't have any answers and it made him anxious and worried. If he weren't a king he would have stayed by Merlin's side and forgotten about everything else, but unfortunately his status made it almost impossible to have any kind of personal life.

"Merlin, I'm sorry. I wish I could stay here to make sure you will be fine. However, as a king, I have a duty to my people and so I have to leave. I'll make sure that Leon and Gwaine will look after you while I'm gone."

Arthur turned to leave but then he turned around again. He felt so pained about leaving Merlin behind. He couldn't shake off the feeling that he wasn't going to see him again, not like this.

"Merlin... You need to hold on, okay? At least until I get back. After that, I will take care of everything. I'll try - no - I will be back in a week so until that, you can't lose." After those words Arthur turned around and was glad that no one was around to notice his scared expression.

* * *

It took him the promised one week to be back in Camelot.

Arthur had been very relieved to see Merlin's barrier around the castle as he rode through the gates towards the citadel.

Gwen and Leon had come outside to meet them and they told Arthur that there was no major changes in Merlin's condition.

As Arthur wanted to check that for himself, he headed underneath the castle before he did anything else.

"Hey princess." A familiar voice greeted him in the cave and Arthur saw Gwaine resting his back against a rock while sitting cross-legged and looking at Arthur with one tired eye. Though obviously tired, Gwaine still held his usual carefree smile. Arthur had gotten so used to his nickname that he showed no reaction to it.

"You look tired. Have you been here for long?" Arthur asked, gaining a smirk from Gwaine.

"Well yeah. Can't leave this troublemaker all by himself." Arthur could see and hear the certain sadness from the knight. It was probably not easy for him either to see his friend in such state.

Arthur walked closer to Merlin and became a bit more sad than before when seeing his friend's pained expression. He inspected the crystal closer and saw that the cracks had increased slightly while he had been gone.

"I'm back, Merlin."

* * *

That night when Arthur was about to fall asleep, he heard a whisper. He opened his eyes and wondered where the sound had come from, but when he didn't hear it again, he ignored it and closed his eyes again.

However, when he heard the whisper the second time and he clearly heard his name being called, he bolted up. He was glad that Guinevere had not woken up by his sudden action and so he quietly got off their bed.

When his name was called the third time, Arthur recognized the voice. It made his heart leap in a strange way.

He quickly put his shoes on and quietly exited his chambers before running off. Merlin had called his name. Why and how, Arthur didn't know, but as it hadn't happened before, he needed to know if something had changed.

It didn't take long for him to reach the caves. There he saw Merlin again, with the same pained expression, inside the cracked crystal.

"Merlin. You...called me, didn't you?" Arthur got no answer, unsurprisingly, and so he walked a bit closer.

"_Arthur!" _A pained shout was heard loudly inside his head. It was definitely Merlin. It was horrible to hear his voice in such pain after not hearing it at all for three years.

"Merlin, what can I do for you?! I want to help you. Please tell me what to do." There was a silence again before Merlin spoke inside his head.

"_The crystal.." _With those words, Arthur reached his hand out to touch the crystal. He expected the pained feeling, but this time it didn't come. Instead, an image appeared inside his head and Arthur focused on it.

It was dark, but tiny lights could be seen in the scenery. Arthur recognized them as torches. The image changed into a closer view on those many torches, revealing many armed men. It wasn't just a gang, it was clearly a well-organized army. Arthur couldn't see any flags or crests on them, telling of their identity, which left Arthur confused. Even more he was confused about the fact that they had big carriages with them and from them, loud growls was heard. A quick image of an ugly beast came into his head. So they were magical beasts?

The image changed again and Arthur saw the walls of Camelot. The barrier was at place, but then he saw the unidentified army approaching from the woods. Next thing he knew was the sound of swords clashing and the land being filled with bodies. There were both knights of Camelot laying there, as well as the enemies. Then, Arthur saw himself. He was fighting against the army and it didn't seem like an easy battle. There was a very loud shattering sound and Arthur saw himself looking backwards towards the castle. The barrier had shattered and it vanished like it had never even existed. Then came the beasts. They ran towards the knights protecting the gates and killed them instantly before rushing inside. The knights were unable to stop any of it. Arthur saw himself again and then he understood the situation completely. The man he was fighting, it was Rience. He felt so angry as the man laughed and unarmed the weakened king before thrusting his sword through his chest. It was strange to see his own death, but he knew it was just an image.

After his own death, he saw very quick flashes of the people inside the city dying and he was thankful he didn't see Guinevere's fate.

After that, the images faded and Arthur was back before Merlin.

"Merlin... Did you just show me the future?" A loud snapping sound was the only answer he got and he saw a huge crack appearing right before him.

"_I'm sorry Arthur... I can't hold on for much longer..." _A whisper was heard again. Arthur stared at Merlin for a while in shock.

"Merlin, listen. You have to stay alive, okay? We can protect Camelot from now on, you don't have to keep the barrier up any longer if it puts strain on you. You can't die, you hear? I don't want you to. None of us wants you to. Even if you couldn't return to being yourself again, you have to live. Stop torturing yourself like this and trust your friends for once."

No answer could be heard any longer and Arthur decided to leave. He had a lot of things to do.

"Thank you Merlin. I'll be back when Camelot is safe again." Arthur said seriously before he started walking away. Before he could get far, a warm wind surprised him while pushing him forward.

"_Godspeed, Arthur." _One last whisper was heard and Arthur couldn't help when a smile formed on his face.

With Merlin's help and blessing, he was sure to be able to protect Camelot and this time, Merlin.

* * *

The battle had been inevitable, but Arthur had now had time to prepare for it because of Merlin's warning.

Still, it was a terrible battle and the fact that the magical beast hadn't yet appeared told Arthur that the army was confident. Rience stood in the middle of the field, well protected by his soldiers, smirking in confidence. Arthur felt furious at him for trying to deceive him. Arthur had almost sent one thirds of his knights and soldiers to aid him, only to be back-stabbed when his kingdom was less protected. Now, thanks to Merlin, his own army was at its full strength.  
"Sire! More enemy reinforcements spotted! They will arrive here any moment!" A young messenger told Arthur. More enemies? How much could the army handle? And the beasts hadn't even appeared yet.

The fight went on with little changes before Arthur felt sharp pain in his head, accompanied with a loud scream. It was Merlin. When the pain was gone, Arthur looked behind him towards the barrier and saw that it had begun to crack. He followed the thin line down to see enemy soldiers hitting the barrier with something. Fury rose inside Arthur and without second thoughts he ran towards the men. He killed them without hesitation and looked down at what they had been holding. It resembled a small battering ram, but it was beautifully carved. Arthur could recognize some old religious words because he had seen Merlin reading books containing those symbols and words once. This had been made just to break the barrier. Arthur saw a knight near him and ordered him to burn it so it couldn't be used again.

Arthur was very worried. Merlin couldn't hold on for much longer. He needed to end this quickly. He decided that he needed to kill Rience and force his troops to back away. He started approaching the young man, but before he could, he heard a roar. The beasts had been let free.

After that, the battle turned even more bloody. The beasts were so strong. Arthur saw his soldiers falling one by one and he was having a hard time fighting back.  
He was getting very tired after fighting for such a long time.

Then he heard something he didn't want to hear.  
"IT'S THE ENEMY REINFORCEMENTS!" Someone shouted. And true, Arthur saw and heard the men arriving from the woods, ready to destroy anyone carrying the crest of Camelot.

Arthur looked around him to see the fear in everyone's eyes. They were tired and the last hope seemed to have left them. Arthur himself felt very hopeless too, but as a king he couldn't give up.

"MY KNIGHTS! THIS ISN'T THE PLACE TO GIVE IN! BEHIND THOSE WALLS ARE THE PEOPLE WE LOVE AND IF WE DON'T PROTECT THEM, NO ONE WILL! FIGHT FOR THEM!" Arthur shouted, hoping to bring more morale to the battlefield. It helped as the men seemed to straighten their backs and run ahead even though for many it would be the last thing they did.

Arthur knew this feeling. This feeling of when all hope seemed to be lost, he always pulled through. All those moments, he had friends with him. Yes, all those moments, Merlin had been there. Now, he was feeling a bit lonely when his servant wasn't running beside him, but he knew that he still had his back. Arthur felt the spirit of a warrior calling inside of him and he ran along with his men. If this were the place he would lose his life in, then so be it.

"_No, Arthur. This isn't the place." _As Arthur heard those words, his pace slowed and he turned to look backwards.

His eyes turned wide as he saw the barrier shrinking away towards the citadel. What was going on?

"_**I will protect you all.**" _His voice said strongly, and Arthur noticed how all the soldiers had stopped running and they were looking towards the castle too. Had they heard it too? Before Arthur could wonder about it any longer, a strong light flashed from the citadel and a new barrier appeared, growing from the caves over the castle in a flash, before it passed them. To Arthur and his troops, it felt like a strong, yet warm wind, but looking where the enemies were, they had been flown away high in the air, before they fell on the ground, completely unmoving.

As quickly as the barrier had appeared, it was gone, and so was the enemy army. They had all been annihilated, even the big beasts.  
The Camelot army was so surprised that they were unable to move or speak for the longest time. When they finally realized what had happened, they began shouting in victory.

Arthur stood in daze for a moment longer, trying to comprehend what had happened. It had definitely been Merlin. He had once again protected them.

Arthur remembered the mastermind behind the sudden attack and he started reaching for him with his gaze. Not seeing him, he walked towards the spot he had seen him last. And there he was, quivering on the ground, seemingly unharmed. Had Merlin left him safe in order to let Arthur punish him? It seemed like something he would do.

"King Rience of Essetir, you will receive your punishment for betraying Camelot within a weeks time. Until then, you will spend your time in the dungeons. I will not be lenient on you, that much I can assure you." Arthur was glad when two knights appeared and hauled the terrified king to his feet before dragging him off.

Arthur finally allowed himself to give a long sigh. It had been a long battle.

He looked behind him to look at the city. The barrier had not returned.  
"Merlin..!" Arthur gasped in terror and ran off.

He urged his feet to go faster and faster even though his armour weighted him down heavily.  
"Please be okay, please Merlin... Don't be gone!" Arthur found himself begging. He was so scared. He somehow knew that he wouldn't like what he was going to see in the caves. Merlin's words still rang in his head. _'No, Arthur. This isn't the place.' 'I will protect you all.'_

What did those words mean for him? Was he going to give up something he wouldn't be able to get back?

"Gods, if there is a destiny, don't let it end today." Arthur almost ordered from whoever had made their destiny. Someone had to be listening, right? They were supposed to be always bound by their destiny. Merlin couldn't die now, he just couldn't.

Arthur almost fell as he ran down the dark passage leading to the caves but he never stopped. Not until he reached the cave.

The torches were always lit, and now they brought light to the scene that Arthur had never wanted to see.

"N..no.." He breathed and took shaky steps forwards before he fell to his knees.  
"No...Merlin." He couldn't help it as his pants turned into sobs and tears fell.

The crystal had shattered. Merlin was gone.

"You're such an idiot, Merlin! AN IDIOT! FOR WHAT HAVE I WAITED FOR SO LONG?! DON'T JUST GO AND DIE!" Shouting those words, Arthur realized that not even for a single day had he lost hope. Hope that one day, Merlin would wake up and return. Day after day, he had hidden those true feelings under the fact that Merlin could never return to them. Those feelings weighted him down even more and he let himself fall down to his arms, crying freely.

He had just, once and for all, lost his friend. Today, their destiny had ended. Was Albion now the way it had supposed to become? Was Arthur now the king the destiny had told? Arthur didn't feel so. Not at all.

"Like this, I will only become a bitter king to my people, Merlin. I still need your help." Arthur almost whispered into the silent caves, but there was no answer.  
At least, he didn't expect there to be.

Arthur heard footsteps behind him, but he didn't move.

"You prat," The voice started,

Arthur's breath caught in his throat and he wouldn't dare to look back.

"I told you remember, destiny will always bring us together." Only this time, his tone was light and filled with happiness and excitement.

And for the first time, Arthur truly thanked the gods for his destiny.

* * *

**A happy ending, how nice.  
I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was awesome.  
If you wish to read more Merlin fics from me, please go leave a quick vote in my poll.  
Reviews highly appreciated.  
**


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